It has been a long and painful five and 1/2 years with some good stuff interspersed but, for the most part, we, as a family, have been pummeled and are weary of the valley we can't seem to rise out of. I know God does not waste our pain and along the way I have been privileged to meet and minister to a lot of people and for that I am eternally thankful. 2009 has been, I believe, especially hard and as I have prayed for wisdom, I am compelled to share with you journey as I ask the Almighty to rehabilitate my broken heart. This past May, as most of you know, I fell and broke my leg. To repair it required surgery and I am just now beginning to be intentional in the rehabilitation of my leg - albeit possibly a little late as I fear I may have reinjured it. Time and an MRI will tell but for now I am pressing on. What I have recently learned is that when I broke my leg and was unable to go to the gym or hike or walk or bike (or play softball), the good endorphins my body had come to depend on were no longer there and I could never have anticipated the exquisite depression I was headed for. Couple that with the notification that my job of eight years was ending, that the job I found has been so exquistely stressful that I am in pain; our precious Joey has battled to end his use of recreational drugs and regain control of his own emotions and friends, I'm on empty. This is the first Christmas in years that my heart just wasn't in it. We were privileged to enjoy time with good friends and precious family and I am ever mindful that Jesus is the Reason for the Season but the pain in my heart has left me feeling like the captain of a shipwrecked vessel that needs to see Jesus walking on the water coming toward me.
I hereby give notice that I am resigning from most everything that is "urgent" in order to focus on the important: My relationship with Jesus Christ, the repair of my very broken body; the tending of my marriage, my children and my sweet parents; the building of a nutrition business that I love and restoring financial wellbeing to my existence. My heart, my body, my relationship with Jesus, friends and family are in need of rehabilitation and, like the addict who must first admit "I am an addict" my first step to allowing The King of Kings to heal me is to come boldly before the Throne of Grace and to many friends and famil members and say "I am broken. Heal me as only you can." Follow me as I ask the Almighty - who does not waste our pain or our brokenness - to heal me and use me and what He has brought me through these past almost six years For Our Good, For His Glory. Yours, In Him - AA
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