Thursday, December 31, 2009 - Rehabilitating the Heart, Part Three

Savior, Please, Keep Saving Me(C) Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can,

but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough But

I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone,

God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am

because You're all that I have

I try to be so tough But
I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone,
God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 - Rehabilitation of the Heart - Part Two

When I was a child in church I learned the "Hymns of the Faith." I sang them, not fully understanding or comprehending their meaning. Now, as those precious words come to mind, I realize that God in all His infinite wisdom has given me a love for His music, a love for singing His praises with the Words of HIS word and that those words have sustained and continue to sustain me on this journey of rehabilitating my heart. Hymns like "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus;" "I Surrender All" and, of course, "Amazing Grace" among others. Several years back Brendan bought me a book entitled "Then Sings My Soul" which chronicles some of the great hymns of faith and how they came to be and I realize that a number of those sacred hymns were penned at a very dark time in the life of the writer. I am so thankful that even if I cannot write the words to my own Hymn of Faith, I can and will sing the songs that the pain of others have brought forth. It is indeed, "Well with My Soul" and I will sing the "Wondrous Love of Jesus" forever as I continue on this Journey, for my good, For His Glory. Yours, In Him - AA

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Rehabilitation of the Heart - Part One

It has been a long and painful five and 1/2 years with some good stuff interspersed but, for the most part, we, as a family, have been pummeled and are weary of the valley we can't seem to rise out of. I know God does not waste our pain and along the way I have been privileged to meet and minister to a lot of people and for that I am eternally thankful. 2009 has been, I believe, especially hard and as I have prayed for wisdom, I am compelled to share with you journey as I ask the Almighty to rehabilitate my broken heart. This past May, as most of you know, I fell and broke my leg. To repair it required surgery and I am just now beginning to be intentional in the rehabilitation of my leg - albeit possibly a little late as I fear I may have reinjured it. Time and an MRI will tell but for now I am pressing on. What I have recently learned is that when I broke my leg and was unable to go to the gym or hike or walk or bike (or play softball), the good endorphins my body had come to depend on were no longer there and I could never have anticipated the exquisite depression I was headed for. Couple that with the notification that my job of eight years was ending, that the job I found has been so exquistely stressful that I am in pain; our precious Joey has battled to end his use of recreational drugs and regain control of his own emotions and friends, I'm on empty. This is the first Christmas in years that my heart just wasn't in it. We were privileged to enjoy time with good friends and precious family and I am ever mindful that Jesus is the Reason for the Season but the pain in my heart has left me feeling like the captain of a shipwrecked vessel that needs to see Jesus walking on the water coming toward me.

I hereby give notice that I am resigning from most everything that is "urgent" in order to focus on the important: My relationship with Jesus Christ, the repair of my very broken body; the tending of my marriage, my children and my sweet parents; the building of a nutrition business that I love and restoring financial wellbeing to my existence. My heart, my body, my relationship with Jesus, friends and family are in need of rehabilitation and, like the addict who must first admit "I am an addict" my first step to allowing The King of Kings to heal me is to come boldly before the Throne of Grace and to many friends and famil members and say "I am broken. Heal me as only you can." Follow me as I ask the Almighty - who does not waste our pain or our brokenness - to heal me and use me and what He has brought me through these past almost six years For Our Good, For His Glory. Yours, In Him - AA

To Live and Die for Honor, Friday, December 18, 2009

Hearts are heavy in our fair city as we learn of the death of yet another law enforcement officer. DPS Officer Chris Marano died in the line of duty last evening. As the wife of a law enforcement officer, each time one of "our own" dies in the line of duty, there is a chill that takes over my heart. My sweet Bear is the Benevolence Officer for our Officer's Association and is asked to go where the bereaved family and fellow officers are congregating - usually at the hospital - to offer whatever aid our Association can. This is a family and it is not a blue line but a wonderful blue ribbon that binds our hearts together - especially when one has been called Home. Dear ones, I cannot tell you that I am always brave in these circumstances but I find myself breathing in quite deeply, tears filling my eyes as I know that my children and I could be called to walk this valley. To that end, allow me please to take a moment and pay tribute to my husband and to other law enforcement officers everywhere:

To Live and Die For Honor

It is not the uniform, the badge or the weapon

that compels you to daily put on the armor

of courage but it is a call within you to

live or die for honor.

To you, your profession is your calling, your mission

your ministry and each and every day you step out

you know that you live or die for honor.

You are courageous, you are brave, you have an

authority and a presence that is Divinely appointed

and you walk with a confident gait that tells others

you live or die . . . for honor.

If asked to choose a life without love or a life

without honor, it is abundantly clear that you

live and you would die . . . for honor.

Others don't understand and are quick to

criticize when a mistake is made but are the

first to call you because they know that you

would give your life to protect them. They

know without saying that you live or die

for honor.

Law enforcement officers are people - imperfect and breakable. They love to do what they do and loving what they do sometimes costs them their lives. In memory of Officer Marano, to his precious wife and children, his DPS family, to my husband and law enforcement officers everywhere - my sincere condolences and eternal appreciation for your bravery, courage, commitment and unending dedication To Protect and To Serve . . . For Honor. Yours, In Him - AA

Such a Strange Way To Save the World, Monday, December 14, 2009 - For His Glory

I cannot imagine what Mary and Joseph had racing through their minds when they became ABUNDANTLY aware of the amazing plan they had been asked to be part of. Me? I'm INCREDIBLY human and I think my response would have been something like "ARE YOU KIDDING??" I do that now! I hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me and although I know that God just asks me to be obedient, there are million things running through my head other than simply "Yes, Lord." but that's what Mary and Joseph did. In spite of what I'm sure were a million things running through their minds - including the thoughts shared with us in the Gospels - they said "Yes, Lord." There's a precious Christmas song that the group "For Him" put on an album years agao and part of the chorus says:

"Now I'm not one to second guess

What angels have to say . . .

But this is such a strange way

to Save the World."

Yeah, it was but thankfully, dear ones - if there had been no Christmas there could be no Cross. And I am so thankful that more than 2000 years ago our amazing God delivered His one and only so that WHOEVER believes in Him shall be saved. I'm not always confident in my ability to do what God has for me to do but I am asking Him to give me the courage to be obedient and, like Mary and Joseph, to simply say "Yes, Lord." No Christmas, no cross. No Cross, no crown. Praying Christmas blessings on you now and the whole year through! AA

"My Grown Up Christmas List" (C) - For His Glory, Friday, December 11, 2009

Do you remember me

I sat upon your knee

I wrote to you

With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now

And still need help somehow

I'm not a child

But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish

My grown up Christmas list

Not for myself

But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed

The grandest sight to see

Was something lovely

Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows

That packages and bows

Can never heal

A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?

Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

(there'd be)No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end,

oh This is my grown up Christmas list

This is my grown up Christmas list (C)

What a Precious Promise - For His Glory, Thursday, December 10, 2009

In the Gospel of Luke we receive what some believe to be the most accurate telling of the coming of Christ. Mary, the young woman chosen to give birth to the Messiah, was engaged to Joseph but she was not married. Upon being visited by the angel she was astonished that God would choose her. Not only that - she wasn't married and to be unmarried and "in the family way" 2000 years ago was scandalous to say the least. Yet, we learn that Mary magnified and glorified the Lord

And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me-- holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."

Exactly 21 years ago I too learned that I would give birth to a child. My marital state was precarious at best and a short six weeks after learning that I was pregnant, I was widowed. Driving home one day, weeping in my car - in the days before cell phones - I was forced to pull off the road and remember vividly crying out to God - "I trust you. I don't know why this has happened but I trust you. Use this for your glory!" Many have been the times in the life of the son I gave birth to, have I cried out to God - "Holy are you, Oh, God and your mercy extends to me. You HAVE performed mighty deeds and you have not forgotten me." Jesus came to seek and save those who were lost - you and me. And the God of the Universe knows full well always what He is doing and what He is allowing and ordaining in our lives. He simply asks that we trust Him and praise Him anyway - even when we don't understand. The precious promise that Mary received was that God had chosen her and what He brought her to, His grace would bring her through. And it did. I can assure you, dear ones, that what God brought me to 21 years ago, His grace is still sustaining me through and that is His precious promise to you and me too! Trust Him with your heart and life and soul and strength and claim HIS precious promises! Loving you, with His Love and praying that ALL I do is For His Glory! AA