"Not Wrong, Just Different"- For His Glory, Friday, October 3, 2008

In a couple of weeks Brendan and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. Despite the difficulties in the journey, the one thing that has kept us together is the reminder that our marriage is not based on a contract, but on a covenant. A promise to God, to our friends and to our families that we would be married until death do us part. While there have been days when either one or both of us could have become an instant murder suspect - time apart until the feelings have passed has usually been sufficient to allow to come back together to talk it out. Most of the time our disputes are over the different perspective each of us brings to the relationship. We laugh at times about the dichotomy in our upbringing. Bear is from a socially liberal family and I am from a family of evangelical conservatives. It was late in 1995 and thankfully I was nearing the end of my journey through the spiritual desert when Brendan and I met. In the months and years that followed, we found common ground in learning to love and serve Almighty God who brought us together. Being a blended family, we vowed that we would seek wisdom from other couples who had been in the trenches a long time and one of those couples is my parents - married almost 50 years. They, too, come from very different backgrounds but each of them has a heart of love for God and each other. What rings true for couples like my folks, and us, and many of you I'm sure is that while you're very different you realize those differences don't have to cause division when the commonality of your relationship is the foundation you have in the Almighty God and His son, Jesus Christ. I have single friends who have been hurt by former spouses, during and after marriage, and conclude - not without foundation that men can't help it - they're men. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, in his book "Love and Respect"- we're not "wrong" for being male and female, we're just "different" and while man looks at the outward appearance, God sees the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) What gives us marriages that endure is when we, with the eyes of God, can see to the heart of our spouses, be forgiving and, some days, be so much in love with God that would could not fathom breaking our covenant relationship with Him. During a very difficult time, I was in tears as I spoke to my Daddy about the difficulties Bear and I were having. He asked me, if I was so unhappy, why couldn't I just leave. And I told him, "Daddy, I asked God to give me the patience to stay and Daddy, I'm not out of patience yet." Fortunately, our Heavenly Father is never out of patience! We're not wrong for being the people we are and while in many ways we're different the commonality we find in our love for God and our love and respect for one another MAKES the difference. As we approach the celebration of the first 10 years of our married life, we see the laughter and the tears, the struggles and the triumphs, the pain and the joy. Has it been easy? Nope. Does it get easier? Yeah. Not wrong, just different. not a contract, but a covenant - to God first and to each other - until death to us part.