January 20, 2010 - Rehabilitating the Heart - The Impact of Injury

I remember like it was yesterday, my indignant response when the Emergency Room physician told me that not only would I NOT be able to play softball with my new team but that I would definitely be having surgery to repair the shattered bone in my leg and by his assessment, I would be on crutches a MINIMUM of three months. "I can't have a broken leg! I'm the captain of the team." And captain I did - from the sidelines - only missing one game and that was because I was two days post-op and far too medicated to be safely motorvating with my precarious gait. But play I did not and have not. I could not have known then the impact that injury would have on my heart, my body and my life. Those who know me know that I am active and when my feet hit the floor in the morning they keep moving - usually at a very frenetic, productive pace, until they leave the floor at night. I had gotten used to a schedule of rising and sleeping, exercising, hiking, working. It seemed as if the memory of some of the trials we had encountered were fading and all that was left was what God had taught us and brought us through. Almost 30 years ago I was in a motor vehicle accident that sent me through the windshield and left many parts of my person very broken. But I was young and it seems to me that recovery came quickly. But it didn't this time and hasn't come fully yet and the results of what happened that day -May 25, 2009, have extended into areas of my life that I never could have imagined and have left more than my leg to heal. One of the most important things I have learned and am reminded of us that I WILL give God thanks and bless His name in the tough times and in the trials and not just in the good times and times of blessing. He is STILL God and His grace will NOT lead us where His grace will not sustain us. The apostle Paul, in his 2nd Letter to the Church at Corinth, Chapter 12 speaks this:

7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations,

there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.

9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong

It is the earnest prayer of my heart that in my weakness I am made strong through the power of Christ and that in the times of greatest weakness, when the impact is great, when I am down, I will listen intently to hear His voice and rest confidently that His grace, indeed, is sufficient for me. More to come! Yours, In Him! AA

January 12, 2010 - Rehabilitating the Heart - Never Alone

As I look back on the past six years - beginning with January 1, 2004 when I ordained to lose the weight that had plagued me since Brendan and I got married and it seems like the floodgates of trial were opened and try as we may, we could not rise above the waters. We'd paddle along - appearing to rise above the waves momentarily only to be pulled down into the waters again and again. This past year, 2009, was a year I really don't want to repeat but yet, I know that God will not waste what His grace has sustained us through. This morning, I heard a song I had not heard in awhile and I was reminded by the King of Kings that I have never, nor will I ever be alone because I am HIS child. Read the words of the song Never Alone (C) by the group Barlow Girl and dear ones, be encouraged. We are Never Alone.

"I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You

And I can't explain why

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You've placed in my life

We cannot separate

You're part of me

And though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen"

As I cry out to the Almighty to heal me and rehabilitate my heart, I have indeed, the blessed reassurance that the Savior is a part of me and I am a part of Him and I will trust the "unseen" because of the evidence of His love in my life. Loving you - with His love, For His Glory! AA

Friday, January 8, 2010 - Rehabilitating the Heart - A Broken Legged Sheep

Unfortunately, prescription medication is depleting some of my memories and try as I may, I cannot recall who was telling the following story but it's good and bears repeating as it explains where I am in the rehabilitation of my heart: Shepherds have charge of their flock and once in awhile, there is a little ornery sheep who will not stay with the flock. Wolves prey on errant sheep and the Shepherd, being wise and desiring to teach the lamb to stay close, will often break the lamb's leg and carry it so the sheep learns to rely on the Shepherd. Once the leg is healed, the lamb knows to stay close to the Shepherd. Oh, dear ones, that is indeed what happened to me and instead of believing that Jesus would carry me through the broken leg, the surgery, the job loss, the issues with our son, I felt as if He couldn't hear me and I was left to tend to all of these things on my own. Now, it is not only my leg that is broken and the only One who can heal me is Jesus. This morning, I heard a song that I love by the group Selah. It is a remake of the popular song "You Raise Me Up" and if you are familiar with the song you know that the chorus says

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up to more than I can be." (C)

If you know me, you know that I desire to be all that God would have me to be and that indeed, I can stand on mountains, that I CAN walk on stormy seas. But I know that for now, the only strength I have is when I am resting on the shoulders of the Almighty and allowing HIM to raise me up in HIS time, to more than I can be on my own, For HIS glory. Much love - AA

For His Glory, Monday, January 4, 2010 - Rehabilitating The Heart

My devotional this morning was from the 2 Kings, Chapter 17 and talks about how the children of Israel were led out of Egypt by God and even though God was very clear about what they were to do, they were very "stiff necked" and did not listen. They worshiped idols and other "gods" and this was not pleasing to God. As I look back on the past six years, I can see the times when I had the most joy and the most peace was when my first priority was spending time with the Lord and being absolutely obedient to Him. This is not easy but it becomes as necessary as air. I can look back and see that the greatest struggles have been when things have gotten difficult and while I know that the Lord has not left me, nor has He forsaken me, I have felt very alone and that the Lord was very silent. The struggles have magnified as in my heartache I have been the one to retreat. This reminds me of the piece we're all familiar with entitled "Footprints" (C) wherein the writer conveys how he had a dream and in that dream there were two sets of footprints but at times only one. When there was only one set of footprints, that is when Jesus carried the author through the difficult times. There were times, however, when the footprints were all over, in circles and patterns and the author asks the Lord what was happening then and Jesus said to him "That is when we danced." It is my prayer that as I am surrendered to the rehabilitating love of the Almighty and praying that He will keep me first and foremost mindful of Him and not other "gods" - like work, finances, injuries, children, relationships and worries - that not only will I allow Him to carry me as I learn to abide in Him, but there will come a day when my relationship with Jesus is so strong that we dance. Loving you, with His love and praying that ALL I do will be For His Glory! AA

Thursday, December 31, 2009 - Rehabilitating the Heart, Part Three

Savior, Please, Keep Saving Me(C) Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can,

but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough But

I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone,

God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am

because You're all that I have

I try to be so tough But
I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone,
God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 - Rehabilitation of the Heart - Part Two

When I was a child in church I learned the "Hymns of the Faith." I sang them, not fully understanding or comprehending their meaning. Now, as those precious words come to mind, I realize that God in all His infinite wisdom has given me a love for His music, a love for singing His praises with the Words of HIS word and that those words have sustained and continue to sustain me on this journey of rehabilitating my heart. Hymns like "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus;" "I Surrender All" and, of course, "Amazing Grace" among others. Several years back Brendan bought me a book entitled "Then Sings My Soul" which chronicles some of the great hymns of faith and how they came to be and I realize that a number of those sacred hymns were penned at a very dark time in the life of the writer. I am so thankful that even if I cannot write the words to my own Hymn of Faith, I can and will sing the songs that the pain of others have brought forth. It is indeed, "Well with My Soul" and I will sing the "Wondrous Love of Jesus" forever as I continue on this Journey, for my good, For His Glory. Yours, In Him - AA

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Rehabilitation of the Heart - Part One

It has been a long and painful five and 1/2 years with some good stuff interspersed but, for the most part, we, as a family, have been pummeled and are weary of the valley we can't seem to rise out of. I know God does not waste our pain and along the way I have been privileged to meet and minister to a lot of people and for that I am eternally thankful. 2009 has been, I believe, especially hard and as I have prayed for wisdom, I am compelled to share with you journey as I ask the Almighty to rehabilitate my broken heart. This past May, as most of you know, I fell and broke my leg. To repair it required surgery and I am just now beginning to be intentional in the rehabilitation of my leg - albeit possibly a little late as I fear I may have reinjured it. Time and an MRI will tell but for now I am pressing on. What I have recently learned is that when I broke my leg and was unable to go to the gym or hike or walk or bike (or play softball), the good endorphins my body had come to depend on were no longer there and I could never have anticipated the exquisite depression I was headed for. Couple that with the notification that my job of eight years was ending, that the job I found has been so exquistely stressful that I am in pain; our precious Joey has battled to end his use of recreational drugs and regain control of his own emotions and friends, I'm on empty. This is the first Christmas in years that my heart just wasn't in it. We were privileged to enjoy time with good friends and precious family and I am ever mindful that Jesus is the Reason for the Season but the pain in my heart has left me feeling like the captain of a shipwrecked vessel that needs to see Jesus walking on the water coming toward me.

I hereby give notice that I am resigning from most everything that is "urgent" in order to focus on the important: My relationship with Jesus Christ, the repair of my very broken body; the tending of my marriage, my children and my sweet parents; the building of a nutrition business that I love and restoring financial wellbeing to my existence. My heart, my body, my relationship with Jesus, friends and family are in need of rehabilitation and, like the addict who must first admit "I am an addict" my first step to allowing The King of Kings to heal me is to come boldly before the Throne of Grace and to many friends and famil members and say "I am broken. Heal me as only you can." Follow me as I ask the Almighty - who does not waste our pain or our brokenness - to heal me and use me and what He has brought me through these past almost six years For Our Good, For His Glory. Yours, In Him - AA